I think one of the more uncomfortable things about recovery, no matter what you’re recovering from, (depression or addiction ect.) is when you’re getting better and waiting for it all to get bad again. When you become aware of an old trigger that doesn’t panic you like it used to. The weight from it becoming less and less until it’s power is a memory. And in this moment you forget to be proud of yourself for your strength and you begin to wait for the other shoe to drop, for everything to fall apart again–including you. Finding recovery is one beast and being in recovery is another monster that you never expect to scare you so much.
But this is when taking that deep breath and knowing that even if things fall apart again you have proven your strength. Your strength will bring you back to your peace, it all just starts with one deep breath at a time.